The Huckdort House of Pain Counter goes up a little–unbelievable the luck of that Huckdort this year. He should have many more Dorts, but don’t you worry, Huck’s schedule is getting much tougher now. Gone are the weeks of garbage teams and inept defensive backs, the Bears will be exposed big time in the coming weeks. I predict the Bears will lose five games out of their next six and I see 10 more Dorts, 10 more sacks and 4 more fumbles for the great Jay Huckdort Cutler.

The Brandon Marshall Meltdown Meter rises after the undisciplined receiver once again chucked the ball for a 15 yard penalty, he managed a stupid illegal block in the back penalty and he finally left the game with a hamstring injury. Totally undisciplined, Marshall’s Meltdown slowly reaches for critical mass. I need not remind you people that around this time last year, a certain Denver post columnist, a certain ineffable genius was begging the front office to pay this Marshall clown 50 million plus. Other geniuses had Marshall returning to the team this year–sorry but you’d have to be so blind to even imagine that scenario. Blinded by a post-game hug I suppose. Thanks again for the two second rounders Miami.

NFL Network’s Stupid List

In other news, granted it’s a little late but it’s something I thought was stupid and I didn’t really follow it in the first place.  Some pencil pushing poindexters over at the NFL Network ranked John Elway 23rd in their list of the “100 Greatest Football Players.”

Peyton Manning, Tom “Goldilocks” Brady, Brett Favre and Joe Montana were all rated above John Elway.

Now are we talking football players? Or are we talking achievements?

I thought it said football players.

This is an absolute joke. Tom Brady? Peyton Manning? Brett “I-stayed-t00-long-to-break-records” Favre… Hell I’d even question Joe Montana.

Take any one of those quarterbacks. Any one of them. Now put any one of those quarterbacks on the Denver teams that reached the Superbowl in the 1980’s.

Not one of those quarterbacks take those Denver teams to the Superbowl. Not one. Horrible offensive line, terrible running game, thoroughly mediocre receivers–forget it. None of  these quarterbacks could take those teams to the Superbowl, no way, no how.

I’d wager that Peyton Manning, or that Tom Brady would be concussed by week three and placed on injured reserve by week six on those Broncos teams.

Now, take John Elway and put him on the New England Superbowl teams, put him on the Packers, 49ers and the Colts Superbowl teams. Would any of those teams miss a beat? Would any of those teams be hampered by John Elway at quarterback? No way, no how. We all saw what John Elway finally did with a good team.

John Elway is the closest thing we’ll probably ever see to the “one man gang” out there–just ask Marty Schottenheimer about that one. Are we talking football players? Or are we talking stats, rings and achievements?

I was under the impression it was the top 100 football players, period.

NFL Network, you can take that list, fold it up real good, wipe your ass with it and throw the brown stinking bile soaked mess into the woods. Throw it in the woods–it sucks, it absolutely sucks.

Jerry Rice number one? Yeah he’s a complete player. Somewhere along the way the NFL Network turned the greatest football players list into the greatest stats and achievements. A bunch of pencil necked poindexters pouring over a bunch of stats will always muck things up.

P.P.’s number one football player? That’s easy. Walter Payton. A complete player  too. He ran over people, he rand around them, he blocked and hell he even threw. A class individual on top of all that: That’s a complete football player.

They can take their little list, wipe their ass with it, and throw it in the woods. That’s about all it’s good for.