Archive for Huckdort

Patrick Peterson Is Not An Option

Saturday, January 22nd, 2011

I went out of town this week and the one time I expected that punk to show up and post some, he couldn’t even manage that. I guess he’s off making some junk tiki to send to Brandon Lloyd. The sad truth is Lloyd will probably take one look at it and throw it in the trash.

I heard that Jeff Legwold at the Denver Post recently wrote an article on how the Broncos need to address their front seven–a week or so after the genius said we should take Patrick Peterson in his mock draft. That’s just great.

I will not stand for any talk of Patrick Peterson. We’ve had our own Patrick Peterson for six years now and this defense sucks. Oh wouldn’t it be great if the Broncos paid out the ass for another shutdown corner? Oh we’ll just rewind the highlight reel of Peterson making two open field tackles and shutting down Dwayne Bowe in a game. Meanwhile the rest of our defensive backs get shredded all game long by a B, C or even D list quarterback with all the time in the world to throw.

The 2011 NFL draft is an opportunity for the Denver Broncos to draft an elite talent on the defensive line. They must take the chance on an elite defensive line prospect with the number two pick in the draft. This is the equivalent of drafting a franchise quarterback on defense. You must take the chance–no player in this draft is a sure thing. I’ll say it’s a tall order for this Patrick Peterson to be the next Champ Bailey, and guess what? So what if he is. We’ve had Champ Bailey for six years and our defense sucks, and has sucked, it sucks.

If  Da’Quan Bowers or Nick Fairley are the Julius Peppers or Richard Seymour of the draft it would be nothing short of inexcusable for us to pass on either of them. Can you imagine how disgraceful it would be to pass on Bowers and he goes off to become the next Julius Peppers? How inexcusable. We need a Champ Bailey on the defensive line. We can do without Patrick Peterson and we can do without Champ Bailey.

Want a cornerback? How about signing Nnamdi Asomugha? Talk about a sure thing? That Asomugha is a sure thing and he’s younger than Bailey. Patrick Peterson is not a sure thing.

Or you can draft a corner in the second round. Andre Goodman is a solid cornerback, pick up another Goodman in free agency. The Denver Broncos have not had a top tier defensive lineman besides Dumervil in years, for a decade for crying out loud.

Sign a free agent or draft a corner in the second round, that is, unless you want to get stuck on stupid and field the same defense every year and expect a different result. Stuck on stupid. How many years has this team struggled to pressure the quarterback? I’m sick and tired of Rivers, Brady, Manning and yes even the great Jamarcus Russell, sick and tired of them shredding the Broncos defense–and oh, by the way we’ve had Champ Bailey playing for us and it didn’t matter jack $^&t.  So what if he took care of one receiver–you notice these no-name fourth and fifth receivers always seem to have big games against the Broncos? Pressure on the quarterback beats a Manning, it beats a Brady and a Rivers. I’m confident Elway knows what stops an Elway–it’s not a corner. Having a Bailey or Peterson (if he’s even that great) out there doesn’t do much if you can’t pressure the quarterback. Teams simply won’t throw to that side and they will decimate the other areas of the field.

I see Patrick Peterson is on a lot of popular mock drafts out there and it’s downright lazy.

” Champ’s leaving so the Broncos need Peterson. ”

I suppose these people haven’t watched the Broncos for the last decade. I suppose they haven’t watched the Broncos in the last five years for that matter.

Elway ought to know, I have confidence in this coach too, this Fox ought to know, pressure on the quarterback is a must. We’re in the position to draft elite defensive line talent and we will do so. We must do so. All this talk of Fairley and Bowers being “too risky” and goobers comparing them to Jarvis Moss and Robert Ayers–what a joke.

Ayers and Moss weren’t nearly the prospects that Bowers and Fairley are. Bowers and Fairley dominated all year and did so against top college talent. What do you want them to do? Go back and dominate in their Senior year? Then they’ll prove themselves worthy? What a joke, these two linemen dominated against top college talent all year and either of them is exactly what the Broncos need on the defensive line.

Sick and tired of hearing how Fairley is a “dirty player.” Oh boo fricken hoo, it’s probably these same mental defectives who got all broken up over the stupid “Spygate II” nonsense. “Oh me oh my, the integrity of the Broncos is in question,”–what a joke. Hell, even the Forty Niners–the very team we “spied” on–they didn’t give a rat’s ass about it. Water off a duck’s back. They wanted to interview McDaniels for a head coaching position this offseason–that’s how broken up the 49er’s were over “Spygate.”

Fairley a dirty player? Good.

For %&$’s sake that’s exactly what we need on that defensive line–you’ve got to be %*&%ing $&&%ing me.

If for some reason, if for some weird reason the Broncos don’t come away with Fairley or Bowers, then they better hope, they better pray that Bowers or Fairley aren’t the equivalent of the next Julius Peppers or Richard Seymour. Talk about a joke. Talk about inexcusable. Talk about being in position to draft an impact player on the d-line possibly for a decade and instead they absolutely screw the pooch. Absolutely flub it beyond comprehension. If they don’t come away with Fairley or Bowers they damn well better drop down just enough to come away with Quinn or Dareus.

No, you take the chance. When you have the chance to draft the equivalent of a franchise quarterback on defense you do it. You don’t overthink, you don’t flub around like a chicken with it’s head cut off and you don’t draft a cornerback in the second spot.

I demand Fairley or Bowers and I believe I will not be left wanting after this draft.

But for now, I’m getting ready for quality comedy tomorrow at 3:00 EST. Huck will be dorting. He knows he wants to Dort. The season ending Dort is upon us. You can’t take the Dort out of Huck.

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Prediction: Packers 31 Bears 14

Monday, January 17th, 2011

Jay “Huckdort” Cutler: 3 Dorts 1 Fumble

Bet the house, the farm and the north 40 on it.

Huck will be dorting.

Categories : Huckdort
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Unbelievable Luck of Huckdort

Sunday, January 16th, 2011

Demented sea cucumbers are coming out of the woodwork, praising Huckdort and lamenting his dismissal from the Denver Broncos.

But Hucky and Co. are a fluke; the product of a soft schedule and incredible luck.

16 picks. It should have been many more. I know because I watch Chicago for entertainment value.

Unbelievable, some of the dorts hit defenders in the hands so perfectly they couldn’t even believe it was happening. My grandmother could have caught the sure picks Hucky threw this season.

Some clown at the Denver Post wanted us to shell out 50 million plus for Huckdort and Brandon Marshall. What a joke. Make no mistake, Hucky’s true nature will be revealed. Hucky is not going to the Super Bowl, he will fold and he will dort in the big game.

I anxiously await the “Season Ending Dort.”

The season ending dort is upon us folks. It could happen today, and if it doesn’t then I know for a fact it will happen next week. How lucky to get the weakest wild card team at home. The Bears are a fluke, they are lucky and Huckdort will crash and burn with the game on the line.

How dare some of these people lament the loss of Hucky D’s.
Once, in his rookie year in Denver, 45 minutes before a game, surefire Hall of Fame safety John Lynch was trying to explain something to Cutler about NFL pass coverage. Except Cutler wasn’t looking at Lynch. He was texting.

“Man, I’m trying to talk to you!” Lynch protested.

Didn’t help. Cutler was all thumbs, head down. Finally, Lynch slapped the phone out of Cutler’s hands, smashing it to the floor.

The three of them sat down at a Denver steak joint. Elway, polite as ever, tried to impart some wisdom. Except Cutler wasn’t looking at Elway. He wasn’t looking at Shanahan, either. He was looking at the TV. The whole time. With his baseball cap on backward. All the way through dessert. Elway did not leave impressed.

Oh yes, don’t you just wish that over confident gooned out pick throwing loser was still in Denver? What a laugh.

The poor man’s Farve will crash and burn, Huck will be dorting and I can’t get enough of it.

Categories : Huckdort
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Assaulting Women – What the Hell is Going On in Denver?

Tuesday, December 21st, 2010

Former Broncos linebacker Kevin Alexander pleads not guilty to assaulting his girlfriend.

What the hell is going on in Denver? Is there something in the damn water?

Note to Broncos players: Start beating the Raiders and stop beating up women.

Tebow Gets A+ For Poise

Timmy Teebs showed a lot of poise out there last Sunday starting his first NFL game in a tough atmosphere. He looked the same in preseason: This kid don’t get rattled.

The game isn’t above him, there’s no deer in the headlights, no chicken with its head cut off nonsense going on with Tebow. I remember John Elway’s disastrous first game against the Eagles and I remember a rookie named Brad Lee Van Pelt. Remember him well because I sold a boatload of his rookie cards after his preseason debut. A stellar debut that drove up the price of his cards 300 percent. He was out there in preseason running and gunning, he looked like the second coming of John Elway out there. Later on he started a game in the middle of the season–a complete disaster. Deer in the headlights all the way baby. The false disciple of Elway crashed and burned, a good thing after PP made out like a bandit selling off Van Pelt’s rectangular cardboard promises of false hope.

They Love Tebow, Hate McDaniels

In a morbid juxtaposition of insanity, many fans cheer the rookie quarterback while they scorn the man responsible for making him a Denver Bronco. They ran McDaniels out of here, yet they love the QB he wanted to mold into a Super Bowl champion. Like Mike Lombardi says, they ran a genius out of town prematurely and now the coaching staff is left in shambles. Saw a piece on the great Geno Auriemma, a coach that has lead his Uconn Woman’s Basketball team to greatness time and time again. The players say their coach is tough on them even after a win. Whether it’s a win or a loss the coach is ruling with an iron fist. A Woman’s Basketball team can take heavy handed instruction from a winner, but these Broncos can’t. They couldn’t take being harassed by a man with three Super Bowl rings and they drove him out of here just like Bobby Knight was driven out of Ohio. They drove out the truth because they couldn’t handle it. Now I fear we’ll return to the sorry days of practicing without pads–a good idea, only if you’re the 1998-99 Broncos. Those teams deserved such a privilege. This team? Not so much.

I’m Worried We’ll Win this Sunday

The Texans suck, they are fighting amongst themselves and they seem to have capitulated. I’m worried we’ll win this game and that it will bump us up in the draft order. Although other crap teams winning this week helps out the overall situation even if we do win this Sunday. The Texans can usually run the football, that’s a good thing. Hopefully they will, hopefully Timmy Teebs plays great and the defense gives up 200 yards on the ground. I’m hoping for a final score of 28-30 “They lost, but Tebow played well.”

Huckdort Triumphs Over Garbage

Hucky Dorts is feeling his oats out there, the commentators are starting to talk him up–he’ll be a superstar with Mike Martz.

Unfortunately for the Bears, you can’t take the Dort out of the Huck.

Hucky Dorts is one of the luckiest players in football this year. You see the train wreck called the Vikings out there? I’ve watched the Bears play the Vikings twice this year and the decrepit nature of Minnesota’s secondary is second to none. My grandmother could have picked off one of those passes, yet a 28 yr old NFL linebacker in prime condition can’t get it done? These guys are woeful. They left three easy Dorts on the field. Some of these guys looked so surprised by the incredible inaccuracy of Huckdort–they looked like they just got finished with the neighbors cat after dropping those sure picks. Unbelievable. It’s OK though. Hucky is setting up for massive Dorts–the season ending Dort. Chicago will be one and done in the playoffs against a real team and they’ll realize what I already know: They are the worst 10-4 team in football and they’ll need to build a better team in order to go any further in the playoffs. Even if they do progress personnel wise, there is always the possibility of the season ending Dort with Huckster at the helm. When the pressure is on, when the game is on the line against a good team: Huck will be Dorting. It’s a wing and a prayer if you trust in Dort.

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I Want the Broncos to Pick Second in 2011

Monday, December 13th, 2010

Screw the fifth pick in the draft, I want the second pick.

I’m beginning to like this Studesville, he looked clueless out there in the Cardinals game. I do feel sorry for him, he finally gets a head coaching gig but some broken down team is representing him.



This Sunday was the first time in history PP Dublinski cheered when the Broncos got a penalty. I wasn’t emotionally invested in this game, but you see all them mistakes early in the game when they still had a chance? One step forward, two steps back. Same story all season long. Injuries, rookies, penalties, inconsistencies and  bad luck all amounted to a crap year.

I keep seeing these articles pop up where “NFL sources” and “league executives” claim the Broncos were doomed from the start when we “mishandled” the Huckdort trade. What a joke, that was a positive, I am so glad we didn’t commit to that gooned out fool. You see that New England game? That Bears team got a cold dose of reality.  That team is the worst 9-4 team in the league,  their only win against a decent team was Philadelphia. Hucky’s like Orton, they both need a good supporting cast to be successful. That dort ain’t worth no fifty million plus, that’s for damn sure.

I am thrilled the Broncos currently have the third pick in the 2011 draft, but now I want the second pick!

Either we draft someone there or we trade down and get a cache of picks. Either way it’s a good thing. I look to the grand promise of the future! All Hail Studaville! Many thanks for his clueless nature!

On the subject of the future, Champ Bailey can walk–too much money. Daniel Graham must go–too much money and he doesn’t do enough. Anyone claiming Daniel Graham is a great blocker, well we can just convert a damn tackle or pick a tight end late in the draft to block. Daniel Graham is barely mediocre when it comes to receiving. Chris Kuper’s spot needs an upgrade, same with Ryan McBean. I’ve seen enough of Correll Buckhalter too. Thanks for your service guys, but that’s a wrap.

Tebow should start the last two home games, that should be a given. If he does not start the last two games, then either this organization is clueless or they think he’s a bust and will soon ship him off to Buffalo or Jacksonville.

I’m a little worried about Tebow starting after next weekend, I’m worried because I might want him to win if he’s starting. Hopefully Tebow will play well and the defense will choke and get the blame for the losses. That’s not such a bad outcome.

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Me So Happy

Sunday, December 12th, 2010

Huckdort dorts and gets embarrassed.

Buffalo and Detroit win and Denver loses. I was worried we’d win today, the only game that worries me now is the Texans game, they often don’t show up to play. Even if we only win that one game, things are looking good for the draft.

You see that Jay Feely? He had a career day out there. I’m happy for him, he seems like a regular guy.

Broncos had a few good penalties out there, that late hit from Syd’Quan was a nice gift.

The most exciting moment in the Broncos game? The thirty seconds whenTebow warmed up.

By the way, I wouldn’t get mad at Studesville for not playing Tebow, it has to be Bowlen’s call.

I can see some reason to start Orton, as bad as things are he’s got shot at the Pro Bowl. Pro Bowl voting ends the 20th though, so if Tebow isn’t starting the last two home games it is nothing short of a travesty.

I’m sure it’s Bowlen’s call, it’s not on Studesville.

Tebow damn well better start those last two games. John Skelton? John Skelton, a damn fifth round pick gets to play? He didn’t look too bad either. A fifth round pick is playing yet “Tebow ain’t ready yet?”

If he’s not ready and doesn’t play those last two home games, I’d rather have him traded and draft a quarterback with that top pick.

Categories : Broncos News, Huckdort
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The Josh McDaniels Trades: Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Tuesday, December 7th, 2010

Let me begin by saving adios to Josh McDaniels who has left the Broncos building tonight. I believe that I had a hand in his departure. Bowlen listens to P.P.

He surely must listen to me. I told him to get rid of Shanahan, and I told him that Jay Huckdort Cutler needed the boot. I said we better start Tebow in this losing season and I even recently turned on McDaniels and Kyle Orton. I called them Diaper Man and Cuckoo Man. I believe this was the last straw. Bowlen saw that I, P.P. Dublinski who heralded Josh McDaniels as a genius back in February of 2009, even I had turned on him.

I said McDaniels was a genius who would rule with an iron fist. I said he would kick the me first prima donna losers like Huckdort and Marshall to the curb. I said we’d practice with pads and field a defense for once.

McDaniels certainly did rule with an iron fist and he certainly did kick the me first prima donna losers on this team to the curb. I will concede that McDaniels is not a genius, not yet. I do believe McDaniels will be a head coach in the future at some point, and I believe he will be a successful one. I believe Belichick is to Cleveland what Josh McDaniels might be to the Broncos: a loser here, a winner somewhere else. But that’s a long ways off, and he’s not a Bronco anymore, so who cares really?

There’s been a lot of commotion over the personnel decisions McDaniels has made over the last two years. A lot of the commotion has been pretty stupid and ill informed if you ask me. Here are my summations of the supposedly controversial Josh McDaniels trades.

Josh McDaniels Trades Review

You win some, you lose some...

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The Misfit Bowl Tonight – Bears vs. Dolphins

Thursday, November 18th, 2010

This could very well be the game of the year tonight, the land of misfit losers: Jay “Huckdort” Cutler and Brandon “They’re not getting the ball to me enough” Marshall. Set your DVR’s for this one folks, it could be laugh a minute entertainment.

Jay Huckdort Cutler


What to watch for tonight:

Hucky Jay: If Huckdort isn’t throwing picks he’s probably getting sacked or fumbling. When it’s third and long or when the Bears are nearing the end zone it’s Dort central. Look for him to throw dorts at the worst possible moments, also known as the ” Timely Dort.”


B. Marsh: Brandon Marshall is coming apart at the seams–even in games the Dolphins are winning. Last week Marshall was penalized for chucking the football in frustration and he also chewed out the quarterback (whoever the hell they have throwing now) multiple times because he ain’t getting the ball enough. Watch for steam emanating from Marshall’s helmet tonight after every ball that doesn’t come his way.

Categories : Broncos News, Huckdort
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