Archive for Shapiro on Speed Dial

I am Suing Horvil Tiki

Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

This devilish imp has been harassing this site for two weeks now, and he’s calling my home. I have since blocked his number but he’s going around to different payphones now it seems.  I am being harassed and I am suing that devilish island imp. My lawyer informed me that I could go viral with the first piece of evidence, Exhibit A here from last Friday night. I put that imp on speakerphone so you can all see what BS I’ve been going through.

Let’s get something straight: this is my site and it was given to me completely at the beginning of this year by two lazy goobers who didn’t know what they were doing. I provide good Broncos information–my acuity and oracle powers have been downright frightening in their truth and authenticity. I began the lone conquest to run Jay “Huckdort” Cutler out of Denver months before anyone. I showed you people the light! I said this kid don’t look right, don’t protect the ball and he ain’t no John Elway. He don’t look right, get another one is what I says.

I ushered Mike Shanahan out of Denver, I said he’s stayed on too long and he can’t field a defense. Enough of signing and drafting poor character players out of desperation. I told you Josh McDaniels was a genius one month after we acquired him. I heralded him as a  genius who would put his foot down on the spoiled me-first practicing without pads players and that’s exactly what he’s been doing.

I penned my 2010 want list earlier this year that included two new receivers, two new offensive linemen, two defensive linemen, a decent backup for Orton and a big running back. We did all of it, and I’m confident Bowlen and Co. read yours truly for valuable insight. When Numby at the Denver Post was pleading, ” Go to Nashville–get Jay Huckdort Cutler back at any cost–don’t let the franchise get away.” I said the exact opposite. I pointed out this overrated, mop-headed loser can’t keep far enough away from Denver, good riddance, and get another one he don’t look right. He ain’t no winner, he throws picks at the worst possible moment and I happen to know they think the world of wooden whistles down there in Nashville. That’s how far behind they are down there, going crazy over wooden whistles–I even found a wooden pinball table passing through that joint. I said that joint suits that Huckdort–get rid of him, leave him down there in Nashville and get what you can for him in a trade. And we did, Bowlen didn’t eat that GQ wanna-be, Pro Bowl only by defualt pick throwing  Dort’s crap. Bowlen listened to reason, he listened to P.P.

When losers and buffoons were crying 4-12, 5-11, 3-13 I said 9-7 at the beginning of last year. One game off–unlike some of these lazy journalists and “Senior Analysts”–I know my team.

When Nolan left, I said big deal. Incredible some of the lament that went on out there. I said screw him–it’s the players and the system that counts. The new system is in place and McDaniels has a heavy hand in it anyways. Being the reincarnation of the great Sun Tzu, McDaniels has defensive acuity in addition to an offensive mind.

I said Brandon Marshall is gone at the beginning of last season, and I stayed true throughout. A hug here and there didn’t sway me one bit. I knew he was gone this offseason. McDaniels ain’t gonna eat his crap. I said good riddance and we’ll spread his production around. You don’t pay Marshall 50 million plus just to bench him in a game with playoff implications.

I am the greatest thing this site ever had. My Broncos information is rife with acuity. What did you get from the previous owners, eh? A bunch of hastily scrawled nonsense maybe a handful of people had time to even try to understand? Blind fanboyism–I wouldn’t doubt that Tiki would do backflips and party like it’s 1999 if we signed Don Knotts to starting nose tackle. If we signed Abe Vigoda to wide receiver this Tiki would think he’s the second coming of Jerry Rice.

I think the last thing that Tiki did was talk up “Corey Boyd”–that should tell you everything right there. Boyd, a guy who never even stepped on the field for us in one single game. That’s genius right there. Unbelievable.

Not to mention this “Tiki” is probably a fraud. Who the hell name’s their kid “Horvil” anyways, eh? What the hell is that.

Recipes on a Denver Broncos site? Talk about falling flat.

I’m sure you people will take my side on this, now that you clearly see the BS I’ve been putting up with. I bet it will even turn some of you water bong Tiki worshipers to my side. See the light. I am reality and I am respect. My daughter recently said “Dad, who’s the Asian man ringing the phone all the time?” I’m tired of the harassment. I’ve had enough of this and I am suing that Tiki–if that’s his real name. I’ll find out. He probably thinks he’s safe out there in Saipan–but Saipan is a US territory–oh yeah. He ain’t safe from my litigation, ain’t no way no how.

The nerve of that Tiki loser, calling my house. He’s got some balls.

P.S. I happened to meet with Father John in Charleston and he’s given me all assurances the devilish imp’s incantations will fall flat. So if you’re reading this “Tiki”–remember to stick that in your hooka pipe and smoke it with Chris Simms you lazy bum.

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Sporting News Predicts Broncos 4-12 Record

Sunday, August 29th, 2010

I wonder what elderly mind came up with this one.

I wonder what “senior analyst” came up with this, eh?

What a joke, a may not see a Superbowl team out there, but this team sure as hell ain’t 4-12 the season is absolutely lost–cash in your season tickets horrible.

This Sporting News, a once somewhat respected rag has lost credibility here and it ain’t worth the paper its printed on.

I will wipe my ass with the Sporting News 2010 NFL preview–that rag will get exactly what it deserves.

That is, if it comes in the mail free, which it usually does cause like other print mediums that are struggling, they give it away in hopes of luring better advertisers.

What is this a time warp, eh? These guys caught in 2009 with the likes of Peter King, John Clayton and Numby at the Denver Post? At least that King changed his ways, he actually came out to Denver and did a decent piece in the offseason–probably to cover for his lazy journalism last year.

Even that dope at the Denver Post wouldn’t say 4 and 12 this year, even that Numby–who don’t know nothin, and is perennially wrong–even that Numby wouldn’t stoop this low, and he even hates the starting quarterback.

I don’t know what they’re smoking over there at the Sporting News, but they’ve turned a once respectable rag into a piece of crap–literally.

Do the right thing if you got that mag:

Throw it in the woods.

Horvil Tiki

All mention of Horvil Tiki is going straight into the spam folder. I’ve had enough of this, you people, you water bong Tiki worshippers out there are living in the past. You live in the past, you die in the past that’s what the great Ditka said.

That Tiki is a train wreck and was 100% derelict with this site. That “panff” was the one who put the site up, that Tiki didn’t know how to use bold type, nevermind the ability to create or maintain a website. I’m not going to carry him like that Panff did, I’m not going to sit here and make him look good because he don’t know nothing.

I was the one who brought this site to greatness–even when he was here.

I saw the logs, I saw the jump in traffic, which has continued to this day.

I’ve brought this site to greatness. This is MY site, the domain name simply a shadow of things past, a shadow of the derelict, misspelled past.

My diction is flawless and my commitment unchallenged.

My Broncos information stands the test of time, I have been perennially right–my words of iron.

I have wisdom upon my brow, strength in my right and countenance in my left.

And oh yeah, the girth is legendary.

I brought this site to greatness, you people know good quality Broncos information and I am the purveyor of it.

I ran Huckdort right out of town. Right out of town before anyone even knew what the hell was going on–I knew he didn’t look right.

I helped run Shanahan out of town.

I helped run that Brandon Marshall out of town, I believe Bowlen and McDaniels read this site, they make an awful lot of the moves I call for. They know integrity. They know ingenuity, they know acuity and I have it in spades baby, oh yeah.

Got these people saying Marshall will be back, “if Marshall is back,” unbelievable–he was and is gone and I knew it. 100%

I knew we’d kick that pick-throwing mop headed dort to the curb. He didn’t look right, he didn’t protect the ball and he ain’t no John Elway.

The dark reign of P.P. continues! My Broncos wisdom is downright frightening!

Frightening!

Like Norris Weese calling for a passing play, you water bong Tiki worshippers better get used to having your cries falling on deaf ears. That Horvil is gone and he ain’t coming back. He left this site in shambles and I brought it to greatness. I will sue him if he tries to besmirch my good character. I got Shapiro on speed dial. I’ll sue him and make his life more miserable and decrepit than it already is.

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