Archive for Woody Paige

I heard a rumor…

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

That Brandon Marshall didn’t return Numbnut’s phonecall.

Woody Paige


That’s why Numby changed his tune from saying pay Marshall 50 million to the latest “he’s not worth it.”

Well thank you Captain Obvious.

Can you believe this guy? He ain’t even serious. People are catching on:

Rotoworld: We generally take columnists’ opinions with a grain of salt (especially Woody Paige), but it’s true that McDaniels has yet to endorse Marshall’s return.

Especially Numby, since he’s perennially wrong.

Better late than never, I guess.

To all those who believe Marshall will still be a Bronco this year, send me an email: I got some Sham-Wow’s and Slap-Chops I want to sell you. Oh, and if you email quick I’ll also throw in the “Graty” for an extra five dollahs.

slap chop graty

Seriously, who would you rather sign? Brandon Marshall or Terrell Owens? Owens is the same type of receiver with the same antics and headaches, but Owens is without the risk of suspension and he would cost much less.

We don’t want neither, but just sayin’

Categories : Broncos News
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Woody Paige – You Cannot Be Serious

Monday, January 18th, 2010
John Mcenroe

You Cannot Be Serious

Woody Paige doesn’t belong in the Denver Post sports section.

Paige is nothing more than a sideshow. He is a comic, and the worst kind since he more than often falls flat. In his supreme arrogance Paige believes our young coach ought to hang on his every elder word.

After all, ol’ Woodrow’s been around the Broncos a long time. I heard he knows people. He even has dinner with Mike Shanahan.

Supposedly, Josh McDaniels will not consider the advice or any articles penned by the mighty Paige. When Woodrow recently (and stupidly) told the coach to “Be his own man,” he claims McDaniels in turn wouldn’t even look at him.

Woody Paige Numby

Bear with me folks, this is a long one…

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Categories : Broncos News
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Woody Paige: It’s Time to Bench Jay Cutler

Friday, November 13th, 2009
Eh, beeb?

Eh, beeb?

That’s right, Huckdort Jay is killing the team up there in Chicago. Probably three losses due to dorts. Huckdort could’ve been the hero, he could’ve been John Elway in the fourth quarter but instead: he dorted.

The last one was the immaculate dort. Not a receiver around for miles and no chance in hell of being a touchdown to win the game.

According to Woody Paige’s indisputable logic it’s time for the Bears to bench Cutler and start Caleb Hanie. The great Caleb Hanie is waiting in the wings, they don’t pay him and keep him on the roster for nothin.  Surely Huckdort Jay has been a detriment to the team, surely he can’t throw the deep ball with accuracy and surely he’s been killing the team’s chances of winning games.

Paige, who has called for the benching of Kyle Orton after two bad games for the offense and two bad throws.

Up there in Chicago, they’re up to 17 bad throws.

I told a friend of mine four dorts just before the San Francisco game last night, he predicted two. I don’t t know why I went so high, the 49ers ain’t all that, but I just had a feeling.

Huckdort even out dorted my prediction.

You see them analysts after the game? Bending over backwards to point out some of the throws were definitely, absolutely, positively not the fault of Jay Huckdort Cutler? What the hell was that?

You think they’d do the same for Orton? I doubt it, after all, Jay Huckdort Cutler is a Pro Bowler. Let’s not forget that one folks. If Orton threw 17 picks he would be the laughing stock of the league, hell McDaniels would have benched him well before that number of picks. Unacceptable.

Ron Turner's new strategy: "Don't throw to the fat guys."

Ron Turner's new strategy: "Don't throw to the fat guys."

Well not so for Huckdort, Huckdort Jay is a Pro Bowler with a golden arm. Huckdort Jay is the franchise we traded away to the Bears and deserves excuse after excuse for almost single-handedly killing the team.

This year and last.

A million dollar arm with a ten cent head. A ten cent head and a five cent haircut.

Lovie realizes Jay Huckdort Cutler doesn't look quite right at a press conference, Friday, April 3, 2009, in Lake Forest, Ill. AP Photo

Lovie realizes Jay Huckdort Cutler doesn't look quite right at a press conference, Friday, April 3, 2009, in Lake Forest, Ill. AP Photo

I don’t know how Lovie keeps a straight face when they look over some of these picks on the sidelines. You see that first dort? Just throw it away, but he can’t help himself. This is probably why McDaniels knew he had to go and was going to have a hell of a time working with this gooned out pick thrower. He don’t learn.

18 dorts last year and how many fumbles? He don’t protect the ball.

He don’t protect the ball, don’t look right and he ain’t no John Elway.

He is killing the Bears team and it’s time to start Caleb Hanie. Give this Hanie a look and if it’s a disaster just put Huckdort back in at halftime, right Woody Paige?

In Paige’s miserable, babbling, flawed universe we’d bench Orton and create a bona fide quarterback controversy at the midway point of the season with a 6 and 2 record.

If anyone deserves to be benched, it’s Jay Huckdort Cutler for his unbelievable interceptions that are piling up and may even reach an inconceivable but possible thirty dorts.

Paige is so demented, I bet he still thinks Huckdort is our quarterback. I bet Paige has been watching Chicago every week instead of the Broncos, since they got our franchise and has the two teams mixed up. It must be. The 4 and 12 record and calling for the quarterback to be benched are genius if you’re talking about the Chicago Bears.

Someone's crazy uncle, tongue lapping about, gets paid for this nonsense

Someone's crazy uncle, tongue lapping about, gets paid for this nonsense

I read an article from that Kyle over there at BroncoTalk. He knows. He effin’ knows Paige’s sordid game. Kyle thinks Paige may have had that article to bench Orton just waiting to run since the preseason. Just waiting to pounce, and he’s probably right. Paige’s deception and distortion, trying to make himself look like a genius and it always blows up. I’ve come to the conclusion that Paige isn’t serious. He’s not serious.

The problem is Paige has poor tact, he peddles distortions and poor logic left and right, but yet he’s given a pedestal to do so and is considered a “prominent voice in the Denver sports media.” That is a joke, and a disgrace. This guy, who is perennially wrong, this guy represents you and me the fans? What a joke. The rest of the media picks right up on it, “Denver media already calling for the benching of Orton.” What an absolute disgrace.

Paige needs to go, I don’t need to list how many times he’s been plain wrong. He needs to go, he is guilty of conduct detrimental to the team and his columns have spiraled into laughable tabloid nonsense. Especially this year since they didn’t get the coaches, players or quarterback he wanted. Maybe it’s time to cover a new team?

The reason I was pissed at this Pittsburgh game, besides the fact that the town has an odor, poor service, and inadequate everything, is that it tempered the enthusiasm of these dorts a bit. We have our own problems, we can’t run the effin’ football. I’d like to hear the analysts point out that Moreno ran into the referee, that the team can’t run the football and the receivers aren’t doing a good job of getting open. I’d like to hear them comment on our poor offensive line play as of late. They probably won’t, since Orton isn’t a golden armed Pro Bowler that poses for GQ. Buit no, our problems are clear: it’s just that Orton can’t throw downfield. He can’t throw the deep ball. He ain’t no winner.

How’s that deep ball up there in Chicago, eh? The same as it was last year in Denver I suppose. And that’s coming from the supposed master of deep balls with better receivers and a better offensive line. What was it 18 picks last year how many fumbles? Weren’t the Bears surely on the road to the playoffs?

We need to run the damn football and pass protect better. Our offense as a whole has been decrepit the last two games. They need to get their heads out of their asses. I said last week was a must win game, a statement game and I was shamed because of this decrepit offense. The playcalling was also unimaginative. The defense showed up, at least. These last two games have been close up until the fourth quarter, because of the defense, but with no help from the offense whatsoever they broke down. You can ask only so much of your defense, so many times, and without any help from the offense you can’t win like that.

Now we will see if the running game and the offense as a whole has been remedied in Washington. This Redskins team’s offense sucks. However, they have a good defensive front seven. This is exactly what the Ravens and Pittsburgh had, it was a big key in shutting down the Broncos offense the last two weeks so we’ll see how they’ve adjusted. I said we better win the Pittsburgh game or lose close. Well, we better damn sure win this Washington game. Then, taking San Diego to task will give the Broncos an 8 and 2 record, and should shut the pie holes of losers like Paige at least. The Baltimore and Pittsburgh game showed the Broncos Achilles heel, the way to attack them on defense, it is better for it to happen now, during midseason and fix it, than the first game in the playoffs. The playoffs which I fully expect to see the Broncos enter and be competitive after years of misses and mediocrity under the ass end of the Shanahan era.

But whatever, the room erupted last night, especially on the final game breaking dort and on the fourth dort where I almost blew out a disc when I jumped up after seeing Huckdort got rolled for good measure in addition to getting picked off. More importantly, they lost and our draft pick is looking better by the minute.

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Ode to Huckdort

Monday, November 9th, 2009

Magnificent air, crisp on Sunday,

Cardinals leading Bears upon boreal November peat,

Thirty four to twenty one with time to spare,

A comeback he could muster?

Oh that’s what they hope for Jay Huckdort Cutler,

He’s a stellar one don’t you see? How could you let him get away?

Arm strong and head full of bluster,

A comeback in the fourth quarter is what he’ll surely muster,

Oh that’s what they hope for Jay Huckdort Cutler,

Jay hucks the ball with savage grace, but lo it goes the other way,

Ensuring victory for Phoenix, to Huckdort’s dismay,

The obligatory pick,

Woe to them up in Chicago, Huckdort’s erratic as that Blago,

Errant throws and poor defense,

Sold the team’s future for an arm worth sixpence.

Oh how they still hope for Jay Huckdort Cutler.

I am highly irritated by the fact that at this time of writing the Huckdort counter has not been updated in a timely manner. Dereliction of duty. It should read 12.

What’s that I heard? McDaniels made a terrible mistake? Not trading our first round pick next year, but the first round pick we got from Chicago? Insane wasn’t it?

We may damn well be picking in the top ten next year.

You see that Huckdort? Huh? More of the same. I give credit to Mike Francessa of New York’s WFAN which I get on DirecTV. Funny how ESPN smeared and besmirched him in general at around the same time he made the comment last spring. He had the mental fortitude to point out maybe, just maybe…

Maybe instead of McDaniels being a stupid, ridiculous punk who doesn’t know talent and doesn’t know how to run a team…

Maybe instead of Pat Bowlen being senile and losing his mind…

Maybe, just maybe Huckdort Cutler was overrated. Maybe the problem wasn’t the organization, but instead Jay Huckdort Cutler.

Jay “Hucks” the ball and “Dort” gets picked off.

More of the same, pick throwing, pouting, fumbling and above all: losing.

Losing with or without a stellar offensive line. Losing with or without a good receiving corps. All this nonsense that if we still had Cutler “things would be different.”

Damn right they’d be different, we’d probably only have a paltry .500 record or worse. Those picks are killers. 12 of them so far.

His picks are absolute killers, they hand the other team the ball in bad spots, they give the other team hope and confidence. At all times. At any time Jay could Dort. They know it. That’s not even counting the additional fumbles.

Urlacher was correct in his unbridled enthusiasm: “I guess we upgraded at quarterback.”

The difference between Jay Huckdort Cutler and John Elway is clear: Elway won games. Elway could take a team like this Bears team, shoddy offensive line, just ok receivers, basic running game. Elway could take a team like this to the NFC championship or further. He was a winner, and made up for his interceptions with touchdowns and wins. Cutler isn’t Elway, that’s plain to see. He’s not even a Pro Bowl caliber quarterback yet. He got their by default last year.

I had a good laugh when I heard the Bears didn’t look but five minutes at Jay Huckdort Cutler’s tapes before they decided to pull the trigger on the deal. They obviously were wowed by a few bullet passes and completely missed all the interceptions, all the fumbling and jawing at his teammates.

Then again, to the commoner, he is a Pro Bowler you know.

That Bears team looks downright defeated and deflated. Maybe Huckdort’s losing ways rubbed off on the whole team like it seemed to last year, especially in the second half of the season. Their schedule is getting tougher too, I fully expect more Dorts. I am in preliminary discussions to throw a celebration when Huckdort throws his 20th pick. I think it can realistically happen and it will be glorious to behold.

I told you people right after the draft on them Denver Post forums: McDaniels made a statement to his team and Chicago by trading our pick next year: We will be better than the Bears.

I have more respect for Pat Bowlen. I was a bit sore at him keeping Shanahan on so long and giving him so much power. Shanahan will go on to coach and possibly coach well, but his time was over in Denver years ago. Pat Bowlen also wears brown suits, I am highly skeptical of people who wear brown suits. Bowlen hand picked Josh McDaniels. Not only this, but he terminated Jay Huckdort Cutler. All this crap about “how can you do this with a franchise quarterback,” Steve Young, Chris Collinsworth practically crying about it and Woody Paige lamenting the franchise is lost if Huckdort goes. Bowlen, on the other hand knew the truth: Screw him, the kid is overrated.

Some may think I am being egregious in continuing to terrorize Huckdort.  But we have the Bears first pick next draft.

Plus, I was sick and tired of hearing: Huckdort’s a Pro Bowler, we traded the franchise away, how could you do this, what a blow to McDaniels, how can an organization do this, Huckdorts don’t come around very often, the sky is falling. I heard this nonsense ad nauseum. Now it’s time for come-uppins especially to the goobers who had the nerve to down-vote my truths and awe inspiring accuracy.

And lastly to Paige, if it was him that emailed me here’s my pre season prediction: on this site, and look no further than the Denver Post comments section under the very mockery that was Paige’s 4 and 12 prediction. It is only a paltry amount of information compared to the batting back of insufficient tact, the work I took on buffeting uneducated, unscrupulous and uninspiring Broncos information all off season long.

Maybe Woody Paige was correct, but he just had the wrong team. Maybe he made a little error in his 4 and 12 Broncos prediction this year. Just change the team to the Bears and ol Paige is looking like a bona fide genius.

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"Sage" Woody Paige is a Disgrace

"Sage" Woody Paige is a Disgrace

Yet another emergency edition folks, I can’t just sit idly by and watch this nonsense:

I am a Dark Ninja from the Depths, and folks, this is unprecedented.

I suppose “Sage” Woody Paige has a personal vendetta against Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels.

McDaniels probably told old Woody that he didn’t look right, and Paige has been sore ever since.

The Broncos didn’t do what Woody Paige wanted, so now he is holding on to his 4 and 12 prediction, practically rooting for the Broncos to lose on Sunday so he can come out and say I told you so, they ain’t all that.

This is unbelievable.

Woody Paige knows it all folks, he knew Ryan Clady wasn’t all that and the Broncos probably wouldn’t pick him, he knew the Broncos would be 11 and 5 last year, he knew we traded the franchise away when we got rid of Jay “Huckdort” Cutler, he knew Knowshon Moreno was a “no-no.”

Paige has criticized McDaniels at every turn.

I suppose this is what happens when things get political. When the new coach doesn’t kiss Woody Paige’s rear end, when the new coach doesn’t make the moves or handles situations the way “genius” Woody Paige wants, then its time for Paige to use his position at the Denver Post to smear, belittle and besmirch McDaniels and the Broncos at every turn.

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Straight Shootin' Baby

Straight Shootin' Baby

Update: John Clayton admits he misread the Broncos. There is a shred of honesty and decency at least in that goober. I am still waiting Woody Paige.

This is an emergency edition of P.P.’s Straight Shootin’ for there is a red alert in Denver.

I am a Dark Ninja of the Depths and no arrow can pierce me. My virility is legendary, and my supreme tact will rent gaping holes in walls and floors.

The Broncos recently acquired defensive end Vonnie Holliday tells Sports Illustrated that some asshat, some loser who is probably slithering around with the brain of a sea cucumber, some moron from the local Denver sports media told Mr. Holliday, “‘Basically,’ you’re playing with a bunch of bums.

Now any normal Broncos fan who’s been around since last season, any normal fan such as this who watched the Broncos in preseason with a mind of their own, someone who makes decisions on their own, could easily tell the Broncos front seven was playing much better then in previous years under the ass end of the Shanahan era.

How do you explain such scathing analysis of a defensive front seven that was playing better, even in preseason?

Perhaps they didn’t like the coach.

Maybe they didn’t like the personnel he brought in.

Maybe they didn’t like that Huckdort got kicked to the curb.

Perhaps they were so blind as to think Jay Huckdort Cutler was the entire franchise and the Broncos had no chance of a winning a game without him.

Perhaps they didn’t like that Shanahan was fired, or didn’t like how McDaniels handles the press in comparison.

Might be someone who complained all offseason, someone that bellyached about the Broncos not doing things their way.

Or maybe it was someone jealous of McDaniels, jealous since their critical viewpoints of him and his decisions made their flawed intellect look like a steaming pile of crap with the addition of peanuts falling off.

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